Sunday, May 10, 2009

Exposition-ese in French and in English/Texte en franglais d’une exposition

Picked up a brochure at a recent business conference which described the purpose of a particular exposition. Dépliant publicitaire donnant les grands traits d’une exposition industrielle :

« De la même manière, on remarquera sur le XXX Montréal que les promesses Santé sont plus mesurées. Des discours empreints de naturalité où le végétal, qu’il soit légume ou fruit, a une place de choix. Les promesses très techniques et complexes ont presque disparu, ce qui, de fait, apporte à ces produits des valeurs de plaisir ou de praticité qui leur faisait parfois défaut. »

Here is the English version along with my corrections & suggestions in italics. It is one thing to use English words, English syntax has to be used as well. The wording is sometimes stilted and sounds more like a treatise than an advertising text.

“In that spirit, XXX Montréal’s Health promises are (more gauged) scaled back. Approaches (boasting naturality) emphasizing natural plants, vegetables as much as fruits, are the center of attention. Very technical and complex promises have been (evacuated) almost disappeared, which thus (confers) gives to these products (values of) pleasure and practicality values that where sometimes lacking.”

What do you think? Commentaires?

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